My protector all my life….I will keep your light here. You spent so much time protecting me and now it’s my turn to find my own happiness
The little ones
You watch the things left behind with all of its broken pieces that lay on the floor trying to find their way back to an old life that will never be the same. I watched a 3 year old experience loss before ever experiencing life’s order of things. Talking to him on an owl stool that he bought her telling him about her day. I watched a little girl be put between anger and watch every person that she sat with , fall off the ledge of her life one by one. Pieces of loss stacked in piles all around the corners of a new existence. This has been my greatest separation from him. The beautiful story of her he created into my life, crumbling into dust . Life will never be the same.
Grieve as long as you need
when somebody else tries
to tell you how you should grieve
smile and forgive them
through your watering eyes
and then imagine
how lonely it must be
to be the person who
audits the tears
of other people
the well intended
will tell you how
long you should miss
But you take your time
grief is a hedge maze
and being lost inside of it
is more than okay
don’t race through
because you might
just miss a miracle
in the teardrops rolling
down your face
don’t grieve quickly
just to make somebody
else feel better
if you need to,
let your grief
become a coral reef
let the algae of your hurt
slowly form over the years
into the softest violet hue of heaven
it can take two lifetimes to recover
when our beloved becomes
an empty chair
take as much time
as you need
your healing is your healing
and the scars of absence
will itch longer than you can imagine
but that is because you
risked to love so deeply
and that is far better than
I am proud of you
and the courage it
takes for you to grieve
don’t listen to those
who want you to go back
normal will never exist again
for those of us who have
lost a part of our heart
if the moon broke in half
would it feel normal?
to hell with normal
normal was their scent on your collar
normal was their voice resting in your ear
normal was their touch on your skin
you have a new normal
it’s looking at the shape of clouds
for messages from the great beyond
that your beloved is fine
you have a new normal
it’s building a cabin in
the woods of your memory
where you and your beloved
can meet for lunch
you have a new normal
it’s crying and laughing
at the same time
whenever their favorite
song plays on the radio
grief isn’t the enemy
don’t become numb to your suffering
welcome it in
and let it wrap you
up like a blanket
whenever it shows up
at your door
your beloved misses you just
as much as you miss them
you two will
get all tangled up
you two will
push each on a
swing again under
a shower of falling blooms
you two will ride
on the edge of everything
you two will giggle
at all of the people
who tried to tell you
how to grieve
~ written by john roedel
Beware of the monsters in life
There are the pure at heart. The ones that feel everything so more than others. That wait for the call, the hug, the thoughtful intention. That have suffered at some point in their life and have fought every day to keep balance. They feel so much more then most. Nature keeps them peaceful. They develop some incredible talent to rely on. Then there are the monsters. They walk amoung us preying on the vulnerable and weak, disguising themselves as the kind at heart. Making you feel like you are always wrong and they are the true victim. They know how to break you into a million pieces with just one word. My heart breaks every day it broke you. You were so loved
I think about January each year. It was the month when it all started. The silence……….the last time we spoke. 2 months out of your life I will never know what happened or what you were feeling. Not until after you were gone did I learn of choices that were given to you that I know broke you. I can never go back to fix that day. My grandfather wrote this in my Dads graduation from college. Your brother read this at your funeral. I think sudden death will always present us though to live a “what if” tomorrow. I loved you yesterday, today and all of the rest of my tomorrows. That will always remain. Love Mom
A love letter from those who have passed on…
Take the love you have for me and radiate it outwards, allowing it to touch and impact others.
Take the memory you have of me and use it as a source of inspiration to live fully, meaningfully, and intentionally.
Take the image you have of me in your mind and allow it to fuel you to take action.
Seize the day and be reminded of what is most important in life.
Take the care you have for me and let it remind you to care for yourself fully and shower yourself with your own love.
And take the pain and grief you feel following my loss and alchemize it into love, compassion, and beauty.
Build a castle from the wreckage of my passing and allow it to unlock your greatness and potential and empower you to become more than you ever thought you were capable of being.
Know that I can never truly leave you and will always remain beside you, watching over you in spirit.
Know that the love I have for you lives on
through the connections you form, the kindness and compassion you share, and the future relationships and friendships you cultivate.
Until we are one day reunited, I will remain with you through the storms and chaos of life.
I am always beside you, walking with you, laughing with you, crying with you, and smiling with you.
I am proud of you for being strong.
I am proud of you for being brave.
And I am proud of you for being you.
Wonderfully written by Tahlia Hunter
Artwork by Márfy Art, Gabriella Márfy
Thinking about my son how he loved Christmas. Nothing will ever be the same
Written by Donna Ashworth
— HOLIDAY GRIEF —
The festive season,
‘the most wonderful time of the year’,
but if you are missing a face at your table,
it can be the hardest time of all.
How to feel merry, how to feel bright,
when your world has lost its light?
How to carry on, continue the traditions,
when the person who made it all worthwhile is not there?
How to face the music, the dancing,
the cheering and the reflection of a year gone by,
when the pain is already suffocating on an ordinary day?
You just try.
It is all you can do my friend.
You try, very hard, to imagine,
what that person would tell you,
and if you listen really closely
you will hear it in their voice.
What would they want you to do?
Or take their favourite songs
and their funny stories
and their little festive habits
and share it with your loves?
In their honour.
Now that they cannot.
I think we can all agree,
it is what they would wish for you.
I think we can also agree,
that they would want you to feel as loved,
as you once did when they were here.
They would want you to feel their love still.
They are trying very hard to make you feel it.
It hasn’t gone away.
And you need that love now more than ever,
and everyone around you needs it too.
So, feel their love, say their name,
bring them back to your festive table,
even if it takes all of your courage and heart.
It is the only way.
Death doesnt exist
Written by John Roedel…thank you for your writings
I have decided to quit believing in death
~ it just doesn’t exist
for me anymore
I have a new theory
I’m working on:
when our dear ones
depart their bodies and
turn back into air and light
they don’t disappear
behind a brick wall
that separates us
~there are no bricks
there is no wall
~there are no barriers
there is only a grand
window between us
and those whom we
have stitched ourselves
to with the most divine
of angel hair threads
we can see our beloveds in
the heart shape clouds
and they can see us
as we kiss their picture
goodnight ever so softly
death doesn’t exist
it’s a debunked
where we are told that
the people we love spill off the
edge of the world and
fall away from us into
the endless unknown
that’s not my experience
what I have seen is that when
a dear one leaves me I don’t
feel the space grow between us
I feel us grow closer together
~ our entanglement becomes tighter
they travel with me to the
store to buy garlic
they brush my hair out of my eyes while
I cry in my car in an empty parking lot
they join me on my daily
walk around a lake
they sit on the board of my conscious
and offer me advice
they float above me while
I write a poem
they laugh when I trip over the same
chair damn every day
they catch my prayers and
courier them to God
they write love notes to me with steam
on my bathroom mirror
they play the right songs on the radio
at just the right time
they have made a cottage
in my heart
they have turned my eyes
into miracle telescopes
they converted my lungs
into a retreat center
they dance in the eyes
of my children
my loved ones haven’t gone anywhere
and neither have yours
they are just on the other side of the window
waiting for you to see them
waving at you
in their sundresses made out of stars
and their tuxedos stitched by time
and someday I will be on the
other side of the glass
acting so obnoxious that you
won’t be able to ignore me
and someday I will be writing
you love notes on the petals
of sunflowers for you to find
just when you need to read them
and someday I will help paint a
sunset in the exact color of the
way I felt whenever I was wrapped
up tightly in your arms
I’m not scientist but
my research tells me that
death doesn’t exist
however, love does
and it has no end
and neither do we
~ john roedel
A broken Heart
Living with a Broken Heart
Remember what the Tin Man said in the “Wizard of Oz” after he finally got a heart….
“Now I know I’ve got a heart because it’s breaking.”
If someone you love died, your heart is probably broken. So how do you live with a broken heart? The answer isn’t how you fix it or move beyond it. The skill is learning to live with your grief as an ongoing way of being in the world. It’s the way you honor that which you love.
What I’m proposing is that, with enough healing, living with heartbreak can become natural, and very normal.
From my personal and professional experience, I can tell you that as you embark on your healing journey, you’ll start crying a whole lot more. Not just to clear pain, but for the simplest of everyday reasons, and out of nowhere. You’ll cry when you see a bird, a can of paint, an apple, or even the shape of a cloud.
Random things will make you cry.
The heart is designed to grieve, it wants to grieve…..it has to grieve!
Especially when it’s broken.
This is the price you pay for love. The loss of the life you thought you had, the life you once knew and held so dear. Loss of a dream you believed was true.
But you can also find and feel grief in opening your heart. Opening it to love and to new possibilities. Opening it to what the future holds.
Isn’t that what life is all about? Endings and beginnings, closings and openings? The heart was designed to navigate you through this forever winding adventure called life. But you have to be willing to feel…..and to live with a broken heart.
Here’s the thing…..you can learn to live with your broken heart by befriending your grief.
You can discover the love that still exists around you…..and share that love with others who are also living with a broken heart.
Written by Gary Sturgis – “Surviving Grief”
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