Never lose yourself for anyone

”Let go of people who aren’t ready to love you yet! This is the hardest thing you’ll have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing: stop giving your love to those who aren’t ready to love you yet.
Stop hard conversations with people who don’t want to change.
Stop showing up for people who are indifferent to your presence.
Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you.

I know your instincts do everything to win the good mercy of everyone around you, but it’s also the impulse that will steal your time, energy and mental, physical and spiritual health.

When you start manifesting yourself in your life, completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to find you in this place of pure sincerity.

That doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are. That means you have to stop loving people who don’t want to love you yet.
When you are excluded, subtly offended, forgotten or easily ignored by people you give time to, you don’t do yourself any favour by allowing them your energy and your life.
The truth is that you’re not for everyone…
And that not everyone is for you…
That makes this world so special, when you find the few people you have friendship, love or a true relationship with…

You will know how valuable that is…
Because you have experienced what isn’t…
But the more time you spend trying to make you loved by someone who cant…
The more time you waste depriving the same connection…

There are billions of people on this planet, and many of them will end up with you, on their level, with their vibration, from where they stand…

But…
The smaller you stay, involved in the privacy of people who use you as a pillow, background option, a therapist and a strategy for their emotional healing…
More time you stay out of the community you wish for.
If you stop showing up, you might be less wanted…
If you stop trying, the relationship might stop…
If you stop texting, your phone stays dark for days and weeks…
Maybe if you stop loving someone, the love between you will dissolve…
That doesn’t mean you ruined a relationship!
That means all this relationship had was the energy that only you and you hire to keep it in the air.

It’s not love.
That’s attachment.
That’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t want it!

The most valuable and most important thing you have in your life is your energy.
Its not just your time because it’s limited…
It’s your energy!
What you give every day is what will become more and more in your life.
It’s the ones you give time and energy that will define your existence.

When you realize this, you start to understand why you are so impatient when you spend your time with people that don’t suit you, and in activities, places, situations that don’t suit you.

You’re starting to realize that the most important thing you can do for your life, for yourself and for everyone you know, protect your energy stronger than anything.

Turn your life into a safe sanctuary where only ” compatible ” people with you are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving people.
You are not responsible to convince them to be saved.

It’s not your job to exist for people and give them your life, little by little, moment after the moment!

Because if you feel bad or if you feel obliged; you are the root of all of this by your insisting, afraid they promise you the favors you won’t give them…

It’s your only fact to realize that you are the loved one of your destiny and to accept the love you think you deserve.

Decide you deserve a true friendship.

Wait then… just a minute…
And look how everything is starting to change…”

Anthony Hopkins
Shared from: Twan Wijnhoven

The Blanket

I woke up this morning thinking of this feeling that sits on top of me each morning as i get up each day. No one can possibly imagine it unless they have lost a child. It feels like a heavy blanket that sits on top of you. Its all of the grief and tears that compiles on top of one another, collected from lost time, and faded memories that are pushed further away as the years pass. Everyone moves onward. Its understood. But a mothers heart sits upon the same spot since you left. You never leave it. I will never let go of your hand ever.

The month of April

no Day Passes Without my Heart Being Stretched

Written by Zoey Quiney

I feel everything. All the time. No day passes without my heart being stretched to its capacity for one reason or another.

It sounds exhausting, and it can be, but it’s all I’ve ever known. To me, feeling is the truest of my experiences because it is a physical expression of being alive. To be constantly pulsating with stimuli, vibrating at various frequencies, is to experience the proof of your own existence.

I believe that life is measured in our ability to feel; the deeper and the more raw the feelings, the more authentically we’re living. Tears will flow and hearts will break; sadness will swamp us and stomachs will knot; rages will burn and passion will overcome us. That is how we are built; maybe it is our body’s way of reminding us we are alive.

If Walt Whitman contains multitudes, then I contain infinite galaxies; supernovas and nebulas; dying stars and black holes. I contain the lives of all my ancestors; I am made of every person I’ve ever known and loved for millions of years since human hearts existed.

My mind is a wide ocean; moods rise and shrink away like tides with the cycle of the moon. My heart is a mysterious guide—dark, loud and full

I read these words somewhere and they reminded me of my son and also so much of myself

Its no wonder we were so close. We both understood and felt life the same way.

Another year without you

Times marches on . People move forward and get on with their lives. We stay stuck. People who care and feel too much. People who lose a huge part of their life. We live in the past every day because it is where you were. I don’t want to live in the present because I see the hole then that will always remain empty. Tonight was such a special night for you. A night of new beginnings that would lead to your sadness. I will always remember yesterday where you lived with me .

A photograph of you

There are no conincidences in life. I have come to believe God wants us to understand. My mother lost my brother in 2004. He died young from cancer. I watched her become a fragment of herself the 8 years that followed. I thought I understood her pain but never until I lost my own son 12 years later.

When my parents died and I unloaded their home to sell it. In every corner were old photographs of my mom and dad in random places. I thought maybe they put them there living with crippling dementia until the end. Today I unpacked my brothers things to put in a new hopechest I had just bought. Between his picture frames an old photo fell out. These frames were stacked on top of each other and they were from his funeral. I remember they were displayed on the tables. I just packed up this box and unpacked it now two months later. My mom was sitting on a boat. I know in that very moment she was with me. No explanation needed.. She is with them both now and she is with me making sure I am not alone

Heaviness

The mornings are the heaviest. Every morning I open my eyes and know its a new day. The heaviness that sits in your chest with the Start of each day is always the same . in the beginning i gave myself purpose. Took on projects, found ways to remember and honor him. With. Each new project it kept that light alive. Never let it go. Almost like the feeling of hope. What kind of hope do you have to something that will never change. This must be survival. Survival of loss. Connection to a life that you can never live without. Maybe it will make someone say his name. Talk about a memory. This is the insanity of childloss. Then there are the days it all falls apart. A mother once asked me if I feel like I’m on a constant roller coaster . Out of nowhere you burst into tears. You keep yourself grounded from the anxiety with the familiar. Change is too hard to handle. You just go through the motion of life so people believe you are still alive. But you died a long time ago with your child

How long did you hurt

I remember a long time ago I saw on social media an old school friend had lost her son. I felt so bad. That instant shock and sadness you feel reading something so tragic, Months went on and every day was a post or quote about childloss. I unfollowed her posts because they were just too sad and I joined facebook to engage with friends and have a happy distraction. Then I lost my own son. I have had 3 of those friends that said to me they could never imagine my pain of losing a child, lose a child as well. We never know what’s its like to walk in someone’s shoes until we slip into them one day. That taught me such a valuable lesson. I know connect with those who are going through loss. It changes us. It sharpens every sense that we are given. It transforms you into another human being. Im sometimes not sure if I’m greatful for carrying such a heavy load but I remind myself that’s the test that God has given me. It has given me great strength to not let him down.

Moments are forever

We live a day like there will always be a tomorrow. It could be the simplest day. Maybe whatever you are doing is really not how you wanted to spend that day. So many days I woke up with a plan on what would make me happy and it turned out different. In that moment I wished for something else. But loss can make those moments spent, those changed days be the best moment you ever had. I think there was a reason it turned out different.