Saying goodbye to another year

Photo bt Deviant Art

Looking back at the past 5.5 years without you, i think about the painful days that I have lived through. Time has taught me that I do not have to fit into places that break my spirit. It has opened my eyes to give my heart freely only where it truly belongs. Not to waste my time on people that don’t get it. You will never change the sociopaths and the narcissists that try to take your joy. Do your best and that’s all you can do. Living the life of a highly sensitive person comes with a heavy price. You can’t let the world take you into its grips and squeeze the light out of you.

I choose to find ways to keep your memory alive. God has put perfect strangers in my path that have dropped stones of gold for me to walk upon. I cannot help to think that is you lining my life with the light that you gave me every day. “Be the things you love most about the person you have lost” This is my purpose. There are still hard days and I know there always will be. That is my connection to you. The pain, the love are all one bridge to each other. Here we go into 2022 my son. I will look up at the stars for you.

It will find its way in

When Sadness Finds You by Erin Hanson

They say happiness will find you,
But I think sadness will find you too,
It sneaks up on you in darkness,
Just when you think you’ve made it through,
It opens holes in what was solid ground,
The kind you never know are there,
Until you go to take another step,
And find you’re standing over the air,
The world around you passes by,
In blurs of colour and sound,
Nothing around you making sense,
As you continue you plummet down,
You can’t remember how it started,
And you don’t know when it will end,
But you know that you’d give anything,
To stand up on your feet again,
Sadness is that feeling,
When the falling doesn’t stop,
And it saps your life of meaning,
And of the good things that you’ve got,
So when you finally hit rock bottom,
And you look back up at the sky,
What you once had seems so far away,
The only thing left to do is cry,
People all yell out “save yourself”,
Calling things about “happiness” and “hope”
But they’re too busy with their lives to realise,
It’d be a lot quicker if they let down a rope.

-e.h
You can never expect anything from people, even the ones who love you have their cares and worries too. It’s hard when you’re down and they don’t even know it. You fight hard for those memories not to sneak up because you work so hard to bury it and forget it. Sadness hits you sometimes just out of the blue, and you have to fight it over and over again until your heart would truly let go. Emotions are part of us, we can’t escape them but we can work our way through them – sadness, pain, and negative thoughts creep in no matter how hard you seal it, somehow it will leak. And the hardest thing is, all you need is a pinch of understanding that would be enough to let it out and move on. Forgiving yourself for making a fool out of you is a tremendous undertaking, but it starts with you. You have to forgive yourself over and over again and accept that you are another human and you are the one who has the power to redirect things in your life, loving yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

Be the rainbow

Written by John Roedel

Some day you will be the answer to someones most desperate prayer

By just being there in the same room that they are in as they gently fall apart.  And at that moment you won’t need to say anything.  You just need to drape your hand over theirs.

Your life will some day be the rainbow at someone else’s storm.

Your life isn’t just yours. It belongs to that person.

Never lose yourself for anyone

”Let go of people who aren’t ready to love you yet! This is the hardest thing you’ll have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing: stop giving your love to those who aren’t ready to love you yet.
Stop hard conversations with people who don’t want to change.
Stop showing up for people who are indifferent to your presence.
Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you.

I know your instincts do everything to win the good mercy of everyone around you, but it’s also the impulse that will steal your time, energy and mental, physical and spiritual health.

When you start manifesting yourself in your life, completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to find you in this place of pure sincerity.

That doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are. That means you have to stop loving people who don’t want to love you yet.
When you are excluded, subtly offended, forgotten or easily ignored by people you give time to, you don’t do yourself any favour by allowing them your energy and your life.
The truth is that you’re not for everyone…
And that not everyone is for you…
That makes this world so special, when you find the few people you have friendship, love or a true relationship with…

You will know how valuable that is…
Because you have experienced what isn’t…
But the more time you spend trying to make you loved by someone who cant…
The more time you waste depriving the same connection…

There are billions of people on this planet, and many of them will end up with you, on their level, with their vibration, from where they stand…

But…
The smaller you stay, involved in the privacy of people who use you as a pillow, background option, a therapist and a strategy for their emotional healing…
More time you stay out of the community you wish for.
If you stop showing up, you might be less wanted…
If you stop trying, the relationship might stop…
If you stop texting, your phone stays dark for days and weeks…
Maybe if you stop loving someone, the love between you will dissolve…
That doesn’t mean you ruined a relationship!
That means all this relationship had was the energy that only you and you hire to keep it in the air.

It’s not love.
That’s attachment.
That’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t want it!

The most valuable and most important thing you have in your life is your energy.
Its not just your time because it’s limited…
It’s your energy!
What you give every day is what will become more and more in your life.
It’s the ones you give time and energy that will define your existence.

When you realize this, you start to understand why you are so impatient when you spend your time with people that don’t suit you, and in activities, places, situations that don’t suit you.

You’re starting to realize that the most important thing you can do for your life, for yourself and for everyone you know, protect your energy stronger than anything.

Turn your life into a safe sanctuary where only ” compatible ” people with you are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving people.
You are not responsible to convince them to be saved.

It’s not your job to exist for people and give them your life, little by little, moment after the moment!

Because if you feel bad or if you feel obliged; you are the root of all of this by your insisting, afraid they promise you the favors you won’t give them…

It’s your only fact to realize that you are the loved one of your destiny and to accept the love you think you deserve.

Decide you deserve a true friendship.

Wait then… just a minute…
And look how everything is starting to change…”

Anthony Hopkins
Shared from: Twan Wijnhoven

The Blanket

I woke up this morning thinking of this feeling that sits on top of me each morning as i get up each day. No one can possibly imagine it unless they have lost a child. It feels like a heavy blanket that sits on top of you. Its all of the grief and tears that compiles on top of one another, collected from lost time, and faded memories that are pushed further away as the years pass. Everyone moves onward. Its understood. But a mothers heart sits upon the same spot since you left. You never leave it. I will never let go of your hand ever.

The month of April

no Day Passes Without my Heart Being Stretched

Written by Zoey Quiney

I feel everything. All the time. No day passes without my heart being stretched to its capacity for one reason or another.

It sounds exhausting, and it can be, but it’s all I’ve ever known. To me, feeling is the truest of my experiences because it is a physical expression of being alive. To be constantly pulsating with stimuli, vibrating at various frequencies, is to experience the proof of your own existence.

I believe that life is measured in our ability to feel; the deeper and the more raw the feelings, the more authentically we’re living. Tears will flow and hearts will break; sadness will swamp us and stomachs will knot; rages will burn and passion will overcome us. That is how we are built; maybe it is our body’s way of reminding us we are alive.

If Walt Whitman contains multitudes, then I contain infinite galaxies; supernovas and nebulas; dying stars and black holes. I contain the lives of all my ancestors; I am made of every person I’ve ever known and loved for millions of years since human hearts existed.

My mind is a wide ocean; moods rise and shrink away like tides with the cycle of the moon. My heart is a mysterious guide—dark, loud and full

I read these words somewhere and they reminded me of my son and also so much of myself

Its no wonder we were so close. We both understood and felt life the same way.