I remember a long time ago I saw on social media an old school friend had lost her son. I felt so bad. That instant shock and sadness you feel reading something so tragic, Months went on and every day was a post or quote about childloss. I unfollowed her posts because they were just too sad and I joined facebook to engage with friends and have a happy distraction. Then I lost my own son. I have had 3 of those friends that said to me they could never imagine my pain of losing a child, lose a child as well. We never know what’s its like to walk in someone’s shoes until we slip into them one day. That taught me such a valuable lesson. I know connect with those who are going through loss. It changes us. It sharpens every sense that we are given. It transforms you into another human being. Im sometimes not sure if I’m greatful for carrying such a heavy load but I remind myself that’s the test that God has given me. It has given me great strength to not let him down.
I have met so many mothers in the past 5 years. We all step on the first step not breathing and then slowly navigating our way to survival. The photos and storys get pushed further away. I know without a doubt you will be in my heart and mind every day until I leave this earth.
We live a day like there will always be a tomorrow. It could be the simplest day. Maybe whatever you are doing is really not how you wanted to spend that day. So many days I woke up with a plan on what would make me happy and it turned out different. In that moment I wished for something else. But loss can make those moments spent, those changed days be the best moment you ever had. I think there was a reason it turned out different.
For anyone reading this always remember God gave you life to make a difference in this world. It’s an honor to have been chosen to live on this earth. Do not choose the darkness. Do not let it take the light away that he has given you. Shine so brightly that others can see their way out of the dark.
His grandparents house will always be treasured in his heart. It was the last place he visited before he left us. I know they are holding him for me until we are all together
Mom, can i sleep at grandma’s today?
I heard on the bus this morning…
when I managed to turn around to see the child, that made me go back to the past with just one sentence…
She was no longer within my reach.
I traveled far…
When did time go by and make us adults full of boring priorities?
We fight every day for something that we don’t know if it’s what we really want…
When in fact, grandma’s house is what everyone would need to be happy.
Grandma’s house is where the hands of the clock take a vacation with us and spend the minutes unhurriedly arriving.
Grandma’s house is where a simple pasta and homemade bread get different flavors, delicious…
Grandma’s house is where an innocent afternoon can last for an eternity of games and fantasies.
Grandma’s house is where the cupboards hide old clothes and mysterious tools.
Grandma’s house is where the closed boxes become chests of secret treasures, ready to be unveiled.
Grandma’s house is where toys rarely come ready, they are invented on the spot.
Grandma’s house, everything is mysteriously possible, magic happens and without worries.
Grandma’s house is where we find the remains of our parents’ childhood and the beginning of our lives.
Grandma’s house, on the inside, is the address of our deepest affection, where everything is allowed.
That luxury no longer belongs to me – unfortunately – it will live with me only in memories.
Even so, if I could place an order now… any order of all orders in the world, I would order the same thing…
Can i sleep at grandma’s today?
Photo Credit: Sujata Setia with But Natural Photography
Saulo Subirá – 2015
Written by Emily Dickenson
I measure every
probing, eyes –
I wonder if It
weighs like Mine –
Or has an Easier
I wonder if They
it long –
Or did it just
I could not tell
the Date of Mine –
It feels so old a pain –
I wonder if it
to live –
And if They have
to try –
And whether –
They choose between –
It would not be
– to die –
I note that Some –
gone patient long –
At length, renew
their smile –
An imitation of a
That has so little Oil –
I wonder if when
Years have piled –
Some Thousands –
on the Harm –
That hurt them early – such a lapse
Could give them
any Balm –
Or would they go
on aching still
of Nerve –
Enlightened to a
larger Pain –
In Contrast with
the Love –
The Grieved – are many – I am told –
There is the
various Cause –
Death – is but one –
and comes but once –
And only nails the eyes –
There's Grief of Want – and grief
of Cold –
A sort they
call "Despair" –
from native Eyes –
In sight of
Native Air –
And though I may
not guess the
Correctly – yet
To note the fashions – of
the Cross –
And how they're
mostly worn –
That Some –
my own –
Sometimes we pick or choose something to represent a day that seemed so perfect so we will always remember how we felt. At the time it seemed like something so small. 7 years later that stone bought with I Love you written will be a constant reminder and treasure that day existed. I’m so greatful my son embraced all those moments in his life. He took a simple day and attached something special to everything he did.
One think I have learned…….Surround yourself always with the people who show up for you. The rest dont worry about.
The most important thing I’ve learned since losing my son is to be the light for others. He was my light every day.
Photo by Billy Dehmer at Westbury Gardens of his daughter
It’s funny how when our life is aligned we go through each month without much thought to it. We know when it is over, it will come around again. When we lose a child each season is magnified by looking back to every event that took place. It’s how we stay alive in the past and never let go.