Grandmas house

His grandparents house will always be treasured in his heart. It was the last place he visited before he left us. I know they are holding him for me until we are all together

Mom, can i sleep at grandma’s today?

I heard on the bus this morning…

when I managed to turn around to see the child, that made me go back to the past with just one sentence…

She was no longer within my reach.

I traveled far…

When did time go by and make us adults full of boring priorities?

We fight every day for something that we don’t know if it’s what we really want…

When in fact, grandma’s house is what everyone would need to be happy.

Grandma’s house is where the hands of the clock take a vacation with us and spend the minutes unhurriedly arriving.

Grandma’s house is where a simple pasta and homemade bread get different flavors, delicious…

Grandma’s house is where an innocent afternoon can last for an eternity of games and fantasies.

Grandma’s house is where the cupboards hide old clothes and mysterious tools.

Grandma’s house is where the closed boxes become chests of secret treasures, ready to be unveiled.

Grandma’s house is where toys rarely come ready, they are invented on the spot.

Grandma’s house, everything is mysteriously possible, magic happens and without worries.

Grandma’s house is where we find the remains of our parents’ childhood and the beginning of our lives.

Grandma’s house, on the inside, is the address of our deepest affection, where everything is allowed.

That luxury no longer belongs to me – unfortunately – it will live with me only in memories.

Even so, if I could place an order now… any order of all orders in the world, I would order the same thing…

Can i sleep at grandma’s today?

❤️

Photo Credit: Sujata Setia with But Natural Photography


Saulo Subirá – 2015

Your 39th birthday is today

Bethpage Village Restoration, Long Island

Written by Emily Dickenson

I measure every
Grief
I meet
With narrow,
probing, eyes – 
I wonder if It
weighs like Mine – 
Or has an Easier
size.

I wonder if They
bore
it long – 
Or did it just
begin – 
I could not tell
the Date of Mine – 
It feels so old a pain – 

I wonder if it
hurts
to live – 
And if They have
to try – 
And whether –
 could
They choose between – 
It would not be 
– to die – 

I note that Some –
 gone patient long – 
At length, renew
their smile – 
An imitation of a
Light
That has so little Oil – 

I wonder if when
Years have piled – 
Some Thousands –
 on the Harm – 
That hurt them early – such a lapse
Could give them
any Balm – 

Or would they go
on aching still
Through Centuries
of Nerve – 
Enlightened to a
larger Pain – 
In Contrast with
the Love – 

The Grieved – are many – I am told – 
There is the
various Cause – 
Death – is but one – 
and comes but once – 
And only nails the eyes – 

There's Grief of Want – and grief
of Cold – 
A sort they
call "Despair" – 
There's
Banishment
from native Eyes – 
In sight of
Native Air – 

And though I may
not guess the
kind – 
Correctly – yet
to me
A piercing
Comfort
it affords
In passing
Calvary – 

To note the fashions – of
the Cross – 
And how they're
mostly worn – 
Still fascinated
to presume
That Some – 
are
like
my own – 

A simple stone

Sometimes we pick or choose something to represent a day that seemed so perfect so we will always remember how we felt. At the time it seemed like something so small. 7 years later that stone bought with I Love you written will be a constant reminder and treasure that day existed. I’m so greatful my son embraced all those moments in his life. He took a simple day and attached something special to everything he did.

The month of July

Photo by Billy Dehmer at Westbury Gardens of his daughter

It’s funny how when our life is aligned we go through each month without much thought to it. We know when it is over, it will come around again. When we lose a child each season is magnified by looking back to every event that took place. It’s how we stay alive in the past and never let go.

Be you always….

For all that feel too much, internalize everything, expect the same in return, who are easily disappointed, worry what people think, a people pleaser and run out to get that little gift for someone just to see them smile…….never stop being who you are. It will be the thing people will always remember most about you when you are gone.

Change as time goes on

Picture by Moondragon (artist)

We are no longer the people we once were when we survive such a great loss, especially that of a child. The complexity of multiple layers of grief are so hard to define. Only those that have experienced it will actually ever be the ones that will understand. I am no longer who I was. I’ve become a master of replicating the person that once existed in order to fit back into life.