I reflect on so much on the last week before I lost you. I hear each day and wish I arrived on any one of them. Maybe you would still be here if I knew.

I thought time would help. Time just teaches us how to survive . The first 2 years are shock. The shock wears off and transitions into coping. You become skilled in living in your old shell disguised within each new day just so you can fit in to your old life. But the inside is different. Its filled with pain and sadness. Then there are those days that the cap pops off and all of the water contained to the bottom raises to the surface exploding out of every pore. You search for survivors swimming down the same stream hoping they can share in this new world that has been created locked in silence. It feels good to talk about it but even then you have to guard the words not to overwhelm them with added grief that belongs to you for fear you will chase them away. Being alone in your thoughts is your best friend I have come to learn.

Photo by Billy

The littlest things seemed so large to us when we are small. That takes a turn as we grow up. Still the littlest things become large but consume us in a way that we forget who we use to be. Always keep that little person inside of you. Never let life consume your spirit or happiness

I’m am so proud that my son was the kindest soul I have ever known. He made me finally understand life.

I started writing this blog for my granddaughter that she will always know how incredible her Dad was. How she must always believe all the good that lies in this world to never let anyone make her feel small. To know her Dad lives inside of her and she must take all those gifts he put inside of her and always create love and most of all bring kindness to every mark she leaves in her life.

When I am with you I feel the memories of yesterday. Your face brings me back to a time that I thought would last forever. I remember all of his days that consumed each smile you made,each new step, each flower you touched. He took a photo of every new moment with you. Thank you for bringing him so much love and pure joy.

If only we knew those that hide their scars. The problem is the ones who hide are the kindest and will never cause another burden with their own hurt. Therefore we will never know. And the cycle of pain goes on and on.