We are United

A Letter to the Newly Bereaved Mother

From one grieving mother’s heart to another, I’m sending you love and so much strength… There are no rules for grieving and time becomes insignificant in so many ways now.

I’m not going to lie to you. It will never be okay. It will never become easy. And the sorrow of losing your son or daughter will never lessen. What I can tell you is that it will change. You will learn to survive and live around the pain and emptiness. It will not always be as suffocating and debilitating as it is right now.

If you refuse to give up, you will find life again, in your own time. The colors will never be as vivid as they once were; however, they will return to your world one day… Time will never be your friend but rather your teacher.

Follow your heart. No one else knows what you need. It is so raw right now so simply breathe and do whatever it is that will get you to the next moment. Nothing more. It is breath by breath and moment by moment right now and for some time to come. There is no time limit, no right or wrong and no matter what you may think sometimes, you are NOT crazy or going insane. It is simply your new normal.

You also are NOT alone. There are many of us traveling this road ahead of you and many more will arrive to follow behind you. When you are ready, reach out to the hands that journey ahead of you and allow them to pull you up and forward when you fall. They are waiting, and they are infused with the strength of a million broken hearts connected throughout time and space by a pain and sorrow that is hermetically sealed off from the rest of the world and all other experiences. And if you refuse to give up, if you remember that you alone are the keeper of your son’s or daughter’s memory, you will one day find yourself taking hold of a desperate hand reaching out for help from behind you and you will realize that you too have been infused with the strength needed to pull another mother or father up and forward.

But for today and for as many tomorrows as your heart says is needed, simply breathe and grieve my sister… Breathe and grieve for your child. And do it in absolutely any way that feels right to you. Simply breathe and grieve.

Because for as long as you breathe, your son or daughter will be.
–Tammy Brown