If only we knew those that hide their scars. The problem is the ones who hide are the kindest and will never cause another burden with their own hurt. Therefore we will never know. And the cycle of pain goes on and on.

Written by Nikita Gill

Drawing by Billy

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” rumi

There are certain holes of emptiness that can never be filled. The person who when your train is suspended calls you instantly. Are you ok. Do you want me to drive to you. That person when you’ve just had an auto accident, they are the first face you see before the police arrive. That face that is holding your hand when you are about to be operated on and the face who stays all night until you are in recovery. That call who says do you need me to shovel you out mom at the first sign of bad snow. That person who is first to be excited a month before your birthday because they’ve already bought your gift. He was all of those people and my hole will never be filled.

I remember reading this 3.5 years ago and I thought I would never have read anything that summed it up like this. Here we are as time has moved further away and it still holds true. Billy took this photograph on his birthday at Sands Point and it truly is one of my favorite photos. Because in this photo I know on this day he was truly happy.

Drawing by Billy

Big Hero

My son had it right. He stopped and noticed everything in this world. When life took him down, he walked the gardens or sat by the water and took photographs of all of the beautiful things that make you feel alive. On days that he did not feel like he was. I’m so greatful for those moments you stopped and captured what was beautiful that day. I will have them forever

Another Christmas is here and it will never feel the same. This was your holiday. You always brought the excitement of being a child again into everything. I always looked forward to your car pulling up and you walking in the door with your loving hug. You were the light in all my days.