Support

The people you think will be there for you I have learned are often not the ones by your side in tragedy. God put so many new people in my life this past 2 years. Perfect strangers have become my army of hope. Rather then live with the disappointment of those that weren’t there for me I have embraced the new people God has put in my life. Perhaps this was his plan all along. Helping me to see all the things that were wrong. I thank God for them every day. Each one of them has made me a better person. My son was my every day person. No matter who disappointed me he was there to hold all of it. I often think he is still protecting me.

Dreams

I have had several dreams since my son died. All had specific meaning. Last night I dreamt we were all out as a family. I went around to kiss everyone hello and came to Billy. He was wearing his black dress shirt that he owned and jeans. I was so shocked to see him. We kept hugging and hugging. He said mom I am back. I kept saying omg i have been so sad. I missed you so much. I was so relieved this nightmare was over. I woke up and I felt so sick to my stomach because it all wasnt real. I felt so incredibly sad. As much as I love to see him in my dreams it always ends up that I say goodbye again to my son. It’s always like trying to find your way out of a nightmare that never ends.

HOPE

Each new milestone in life sheds light on our loss. My granddaughter starts 1st grade next week. I look at her beautiful face. I can see his eyes and eyebrows as shes getting older. I remember our days when he was here. Every new moment was a treasure for him. I feel these things all alone without him now. I wish I could see his face as he sees her walking into school. I know he would say “mom shes beautiful isnt she”. Yes she is…

By Edan Fisbaine PH.D

Talk Openly and Honestly Through Stories

One of the most poignant elements of young loss is the death of a parent before a child has the ability to retain long-term memories. When a tangible presence fades tragically, how can the memory be kept alive as the child grows? Talking about the deceased and the child’s feelings of grief is crucial, especially for her development and well-being. Hope Edelman, activist and author of Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, underscores this as “the most important and probably the simplest way to keep a loved parent’s memory alive for the child.” Over time, she says, it becomes critical to continue talking about the parent, “or the child starts feeling as if they’re losing the connection, and this creates a cognitive disconnect. The child knows there was someone who was very important but the adults, by not talking, diminish that person’s importance in their lives.”

The voice of the Mom & grandmother…
The hardest part of losing my son is to also lose my day to day experiences with my son and sharing in the joy of being with his daughter. He would always make it a priority to include me in her life. We take for granted those days and then one day they are gone. Some are lucky and some not so lucky as their spouse moves on in life. My case is not so lucky. Now that bond I have with my granddaughter is limited to her new life. We want them to not suffer with the loss and not be robbed of a normal life as a child. But for the grandparents and parent left behind it is a death of two worlds. What we have left of them is taken away in some cases. We can only put together the memories for them so that one day when they grow up they will know how wonderful they were.

These photos were taken by my son on days they spent together…………

Sands Point

This place was the most treasured place in my sons heart. I often wonder why it meant so much to him. When the boys were little I didnt have much money to take them on many vacations. But we certainly explored all the beautiful landmarks on Long Island. They went to Sands Point all of the time. Walking through the trails and exploring nature

. I think my son felt this connection of family here. He took his daughter many times since she was born. I hope to put a bench here in his name in 2019.