Category: childloss

By Edan Fisbaine PH.D

Talk Openly and Honestly Through Stories

One of the most poignant elements of young loss is the death of a parent before a child has the ability to retain long-term memories. When a tangible presence fades tragically, how can the memory be kept alive as the child grows? Talking about the deceased and the child’s feelings of grief is crucial, especially for her development and well-being. Hope Edelman, activist and author of Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, underscores this as “the most important and probably the simplest way to keep a loved parent’s memory alive for the child.” Over time, she says, it becomes critical to continue talking about the parent, “or the child starts feeling as if they’re losing the connection, and this creates a cognitive disconnect. The child knows there was someone who was very important but the adults, by not talking, diminish that person’s importance in their lives.”

The voice of the Mom & grandmother…
The hardest part of losing my son is to also lose my day to day experiences with my son and sharing in the joy of being with his daughter. He would always make it a priority to include me in her life. We take for granted those days and then one day they are gone. Some are lucky and some not so lucky as their spouse moves on in life. My case is not so lucky. Now that bond I have with my granddaughter is limited to her new life. We want them to not suffer with the loss and not be robbed of a normal life as a child. But for the grandparents and parent left behind it is a death of two worlds. What we have left of them is taken away in some cases. We can only put together the memories for them so that one day when they grow up they will know how wonderful they were.

These photos were taken by my son on days they spent together…………

Sands Point

This place was the most treasured place in my sons heart. I often wonder why it meant so much to him. When the boys were little I didnt have much money to take them on many vacations. But we certainly explored all the beautiful landmarks on Long Island. They went to Sands Point all of the time. Walking through the trails and exploring nature

. I think my son felt this connection of family here. He took his daughter many times since she was born. I hope to put a bench here in his name in 2019.

A new me

I wish I could put into words what it feels like to lose a child. Your body falls into a state of shock. Like a protective glass surrounding your skin. Looking through a window of a world you once knew but nothing feels the same. After time the pieces of glass fall one by one and the reality sets in. As time gets further out the sadness deepens. The photographs become less and less. The holidays and birthdays pile on top of each other one by one. What would you look like now. I miss happiness. I miss true joy. I hope to help another parent through this journey. My son spent his life worrying about other people. Never feeling good enough to fit into this world that can be cruel. He was the most amazing human being I have ever known. He has set the bar on what I need to be. He said I was his hero. But he was mine.