Does he see how beautiful you have become. You were only 3.5 when he left this world. From the moment you were born you are all he lived for. Does he see how beautiful you have become. Your hair has grown and your eyes look

like his. Those piercing blue eyes. Does he watch over you as you sleep. I will always make sure you know how much you were the love of his life

Today was July 4th. Thinking of this holiday when we were all together. They approach and silently inside I miss you. There is always that hole in life without you here. It’s as if its brought up to the surface through a magnify glass.. yes you are gone.

When we lose a child we are on a constant roller coaster ride. We dread the holidays, the birthday of our child, the anniversary we lost them. But sometimes there is a season. The summer makes me think of times past when my children were little. I was a stay at home mom and I so treasured the summers with my sons. Swimming lessons, long days in the park pool. The summer is that season when things slow down. We take vacation. We feel reborn after the long winter. It’s also a time that I

spent special days with my son and granddaughter. Every time July approaches I feel the sadness now. No new moments will ever be with him. Winter is over but the summer just shines light on my loss for him. I hope he is fishing on the biggest boat up above. Another summer without you my best friend.

My son designed a tattoo in 2013 for me. He sent me the drawing and said “mom..the Lily is for grandma her favorite flower…and the dancing Nancy is our shared love for the Dave Matthew’s band. We colored it in purple and gold for their birthstones. He was with me when I got it done and took these photos.  My mom my Dad and my brother. He said one day you will look at your tattoo and remember our night together when you did it.

I thought about how sad this day will be for my granddaughter as she gets older and is no longer distracted by childhood. She will be the girl whose father died and will always feel sadness on this day as I do now. I hope she will remember some frozen memory in her mind of a day with you when she was 3.